Blog for Choice Day 2010

The question asked for this year's Blog for Choice Day is what does the phrase "Trust Women," a phrase Dr. George Tiller used as a sort of motto before he was murdered last May, mean to you.

Abortion is a decision that NO woman undertakes lightly. Regardless of the circumstances which led to her considering abortion, no woman wants to be in that situation. Abortion is not an activity found on one's to-do list, life's goals list, or bucket list. No one wakes up in the morning and thinks "I've been meaning to see what abortion is like. I think I'll have one today." No one says to their friend over lunch, "You should try abortion sometime. It's really cool." And no one embarks upon a planned pregnancy thinking "The baby might be seriously deformed."

When women find themselves in the situation of considering an abortion, it is with reluctance and fear that they proceed to find out more about their options.

I found myself considering an abortion in 2003. I was a married, stay-at-home mom, pregnant with my much-wanted and planned second baby. A 20 week ultrasound revealed severe defects which prevented my baby's lungs from developing. My first instinct wasn't "Can I get an abortion," it was "Do I really have to carry this doomed pregnancy for four more months?" The fact that ending my pregnancy early, the most humane option available for all concerned, would have been an "abortion" never occurred to me until two days later. In the days following the diagnosis I spent endless hours on the computer, searching for information about the condition, treatment options, and survival rates. I read articles in medical journals and online blogs. I joined online communities for parents who had faced the same diagnosis. I joined online communities for parents who had made the heartbreaking decision to interrupt their pregnancy due to a poor prenatal diagnosis. I called my OB/GYN with questions. I called my perinatologist with questions. I poured my heart out to family and friends, hoping that one of them would be able to tell me what the right thing to do was. I sought out a second opinion from a second perinatologist. I made a mental list of all of the circumstances which made me lean toward continuing the pregnancy (my Catholic upbringing, the unknown outcome) and those which made me lean toward terminating the pregnancy (the lack of local family support, the financial implications, the impact on my 2-year-old, the suffering my unborn baby would have endured). And finally, after much contemplation, decided to trust my initial instinct and terminate the pregnancy.

I am so thankful to have had access to so much information and opinions. But despite all of the assistance I received, the decision to terminate ultimately came from inside of me. Women who search their heart know what the right path is. They know which choice will leave them with the most amount of peace and the least amount of regret. And only they know of the specific life circumstances which make them lean one way or the other.

We can and should continue to assist women with medically accurate information and honest opinions. But in the end, we need to trust women to make these critical decisions on their own. Every woman's situation is unique. And since we can't walk in their shoes, we shouldn't try to make these monumental decisions for them. Trust them.